Jag Panzer - "Ample Destruction"

Last fall, I attended "Nosferatu with Radiohead" at the Naro Cinema (the local art house theater).  It was excellent, and it reminded me of how fun the word "N-o-s-f-e-r-a-t-u" is to say -- it just rolls off your tongue. Then I was reminded of a HS-era metal song that incorporated "Nosferatu" into the lyrics, and then I disappeared into a rabbit hole digging up an LP I probably haven't listened to in over 30 years.  After some digging through the haze and cobwebs of time, I was able to remember the song, LP, and band. 

Courtesy of Scott, I had a taped copy of Jag Panzer's 1984 debut LP "Ample Destruction".  Taping each other's LPs is how we could build a large music collection without having $$$ (a tremendous amount of our HS budget went to music, in a way that "the kids today could not understand", but that's a discussion for another time).  What I didn't realize some 40 years ago is how rare "Ample Destruction" was; this was only revealed after reading some of the reviews at Encylopaedia Metallum.  It wasn't a complete surprise, since Scott was (and still is) the most plugged in person to the metal scene that I personally know.  

Combining the best -- and worst! -- parts of Judas Priest, Mercyful Fate, and Manowar, "Ample Destruction" is a perfect blend of NWOBHM and the emerging Power Metal scene of 1984.  With the LP title itself,  the mispronounced/misspelled WWII "tank destroyer" (Jagdpanzer) reference, and song titles like "Symphony of Terror", "Harder Than Steel", "The Watching", and "Reign of The Tyrants", the LP is 3 parts teenage awesomeness and 1 part unintentional Spinal Tap.  

It's not really possible for me to listen to this LP in 2025 and be completely removed the nostalgia from 40 years ago, but I'm still pretty sure this is an objectively great LP.  Listening to it makes me feel like a teenager again. And to be fair, I think all of them were still teenagers when they made recorded this LP.  Conklin's vocals are distinctive and powerful (far better than King Diamond, as far as I'm concerned), the music is legitimately good, and they earnestly commit to the bit. You really can't ask for more. 

Stand out tracks: All are good, but my favorites include: "License to Kill", "Symphony of Terror", "Reign of the Tyrants", "The Crucifix".  

Skip 'em tracks: none.

Final score: 9/10.  I probably would have gone 10/10 back in the day, but I'm trying to account for my nostalgia lens.

Bonus links: the 1983 four song EP "Tyrants" (sometimes self-titled), which is included in some reissues of "Ample Destruction". 

Prince - "I Would Die 4 U" (spotlight)

Super Bowl LII has come and gone and it was quite a good game, especially since I did not care who won.  Justin Timberlake was the halftime show, and reviews appeared to be mixed (e.g., "This is how Justin Timberlake lost the Super Bowl" vs. "Halftime Review: Justin Timberlake Emerges Fumble-Free After Bad Pre-Game PR").  I'm ambivalent about Justin Timberlake: he's funny on SNL, and he brought sexy back and for that I'm grateful, but otherwise I don't care that much; his performance seemed fine to me but I had set the bar pretty low.

For me, the truly interesting part of the halftime show was JT's tribute to Prince (presumably because the Super Bowl was in Minneapolis?) and the controversy leading up to the event.  Apparently the plan was to "recreate" Prince via a hologram (similar to that used for Maria Callas and Roy Orbison), a technique that Prince had previously called "demonic".  The hologram idea was eventually scrapped courtesy of Sheila E.'s advice, and instead we were treated to Prince singing ""I Would Die 4 U" via old Purple Rain* footage projected on what looked like a giant bed sheet.  Apparently that still upset some Prince fans; I can only assume they destroyed their DVDs (VHSes?) of "Purple Rain" on April 21, 2016.

Prince - "I Would Die 4 U" 




* Ok, technically it was footage from both "Purple Rain" and "Prince and the Revolution Live!", but while you've likely seen "Purple Rain" a dozen or more times, have you actually seen the latter concert film?

Iron Maiden - "2 Minutes to Midnight" (forgotten song)

A State of the Union special...

Last week the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists advanced the Doomsday Clock by 30 seconds to 2 minutes to midnight.  The Doomsday Clock is a symbol, created in 1947 by the Science and the Security Board of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientist at the beginning of the Cold War, of our proximity to human-made apocalyptic disaster, most notably nuclear war. 

In 1984 Iron Maiden released "2 Minutes to Midnight", a single from "Powerslave", about the Doomsday Clock.  Interestingly enough in 1984 when the song was released the clock was set "only" to 3 minutes; the Clock has only been at 2 minutes once before (1953) and never closer than 2 minutes.

Hearkening back to my discussion with Drew about how themes from 80s metal songs are sadly relevant again, choosing "2 Minutes to Midnight" is a little on the nose but it also seems unavoidable.

"As the madmen play on words and make us all dance to their song
To the tune of starving millions to make a better kind of gun"

Iron Maiden - "2 Minutes to Midnight" (lyrics)

Metal Church - "Metal Church" (LP Review)

LP review, special Halloween edition...

On a recent business trip to Los Angeles, while working on slides in the hotel I found myself humming the opening lyrics to Metal Church's "Beyond the Black":

Negotiations are over
Troops are marching to their doom
All that I see is a nightmare
The smoke is blotting out the moon

Why?  I couldn't tell you -- I can't recall the last time I thought about this song, LP, or band.  I have a high school era tape copy somewhere (probably dubbed from Scott), but I never had this on vinyl or CD.  In the hotel room, I found a copy of the LP on Youtube and played it while I worked.

It was almost as good as I remembered it, complete with every heavy metal cliche but an umlaut.  But truth be told, I was only a moderate Metal Church fan even in high school.  And their self-titled LP (released in 1984, and then again in 1985 on a major label) is a notable point in the evolution of the Bay Area thrash metal sound, but "Metal Church" doesn't have the staying power of "Kill 'Em All" or even "Show No Mercy" (both 1983). My recent replay of this LP pretty much matched how I remembered it from 30+ years ago: the first three songs are great, the middle three are good, and the last three are just OK.  The closing cover of "Highway Star" is especially awkward and out of place.

Standout songs: "Beyond the Black", "Metal Church", "Merciless Onslaught"

Skip 'em songs: "Highway Star"

Final score: 6/10.  Good, but mostly from nostalgia.

Bonus link: full LP.

The Time - "Jungle Love" (forgotten song)

Super Bowl 50 is now in the books.  The game itself was pretty good (if you like defense), but as always there has a been a lot of talk about the halftime show.  Coldplay was ... well, Coldplay.  On paper I "should" like them but wow, I just can't.  I can't even say I dislike them... they're just so boring that I feel nothing at all.

(Full disclosure: I did buy "Parachutes" in 2000, but I honestly can't remember the last time I played it).  Apparently it's cool to hate on Coldplay, so I won't waste any more time with them (although their bit on CBS Sunday Morning did make them seem like pretty decent guys...)

Beyonce caused quite the stir with her contribution (Giuliani inserted himself into the story without even mentioning 9/11!), but I don't have anything to offer there either.

I want to talk about the uninspired inclusion of Bruno Mars (ok, technically "Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars").   One, we just had him two years ago.  Two, "Uptown Funk" is over a year old at this point.  Three, doesn't it bother anyone that "Uptown Funk" sounds exactly like "Jungle Love"?  There are a lot of articles that talk about how it sounds like many different funk songs, but to me it sounds identical to The Time's 1984 single from "Ice Cream Castle" and featured prominently in "Purple Rain".  Side note: I didn't realize in the 80s that The Time basically was Prince.  As Danette's college roommate said: "Prince dresses him" (or her, where appropriate).

So I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that for the last year, every time we heard "Uptown Funk" (which was a lot!), Danette and I always said "Jerome bring me my mirror!"

The Time - "Jungle Love"

Minutemen - "Double Nickels on the Dime" (LP review)

Why don't I like this more than I do?  On paper, the Minutemen and their double LP "Double Nickels on the Dime" combine everything I like: an 80s punk trio on SST Records, clever, satirical, humorous, biting political commentary, a complete embrace of DIY, genre-bending, sly references to Pink Floyd, the Beach Boys / California Car Culture, Husker Du, and numerous other influences.  Even the book that I've referenced numerous times in this blog, "Our Band Could Be Your Life", takes its title from their song "History Lesson - Part II".  This LP is on nearly every "best of" list made, and is beloved by many artists that I love/respect (e.g., Sonic Youth, Black Flag). 

So I struggle to capture why this LP doesn't mean more to me.  Part of it surely D. Boon's guitar style: he's good (at the risk of damning with faint praise, they're all surprisingly good for a punk band), but the clean yet thin production and the rockabilly & funk influences leaves too much negative space for my taste.  The LP was produced by Ethan James, rather than SST's normal in house producer, Spot, who made things muddy but heavy.  Granted, I found out about this LP much later in life, but it still doesn't speak to me in the same way of, say, Mission of Burma.  Also, as a teenager I'm pretty sure I would not have found this LP heavy enough since my preferences were more in line with Husker Du.

Having said all that, there are no bad songs on this LP and although songs like "It's Expected I'm Gone" have too much of the aforementioned negative space, I can't call them bad.  And some of the songs are quite good, with my favorite being the precious "History Lesson - Part II", whose autobiographical lyrics capture the friendship between D. Boon and Mike Watt as the core element of the band, a band that provided a path out of an otherwise dead-end, blue collar life:

our band could be your life
real names'd be proof
me and mike watt played for years
punk rock changed our lives

we learned punk rock in hollywood
drove up from pedro
we were fucking corndogs
we'd go drink and pogo

mr. narrator
this is bob dylan to me
my story could be his songs
i'm his soldier child

our band is scientist rock
but i was e. bloom and richard hell,
joe strummer, and john doe
me and mike watt, playing guitar

This song is made even more poignant because D. Boon died in an automobile accident in 1985, effectively ending the band (though drummer George Hurley and Mike Watt would continue for a while as Firehose) and leaving this song as the band's eulogy.  

Another positive thing for the band is, that unlike many of their punk contemporaries, they were respectful and knowledgeable of their influences.  In addition to the name checks provided in the lyrics above, they also did non-ironic covers of CCR, Van Halen, and Steely Dan (even though the LP name is a shot at Sammy Hagar). 

Standout songs: "History Lesson - Part II" (live), "Corona" (live), "This Ain't No Picnic", "Take 5, D.", "Dr. Wu", "The Big Foist"

Skip 'em songs: none.

Final score: I'm sticking with a 6/10, but you should realize that most people other than me would give this a 10/10. 

Bonus links:

• The 2005 band documentary "We Jam Econo" (Youtube). 
• The Pink Floyd reference?  In the style of "Ummagumma", the 4 sides are named: "Side D.", "Side Mike", "Side George", "Side Chaff".  Where's "Side Mike"?  The TV show "Jackass" used "Corona" as its theme song, and the result seems to be that no studio version of the song can be found on the web.  I'm not sure why Jackass would use the song when it's about the appalling conditions & discrepancies between tourists and locals in Mexico. 
• An acoustic, public-access TV concert from 1985. 

Celtic Frost - "Morbid Tales" (LP Review)

Enough of the Beach Boys, Lesley Gore, etc. -- today we're going back to high school and Celtic Frost.  I remember Scott Kinkade getting their debut EP, "Morbid Tales" as an import in 1984.  Although I was a fan, I was never the biggest CF fan at the time (their goth-viking visual imagery was especially silly), so it with some surprise that when I revisit it now I realize that the music has held up so well after 30+ years.  The debt they owe to Black Sabbath is more apparent to me now, although they extend that sound with the speed and punk-like attitude (for lack of a better term) of Motorhead.  The production is mid-80s awful, but again that's part of the charm (cf. Blacktask).  This stuff is ferocious in a way that more polished & produced metal just can't touch. 

Also, in retrospect, their lyrics were much better than most of their contemporaries.  Certainly they were into the whole doom/black metal thing, but their lyrics borrow more from the Conan / Weird Tales milieu instead of, say, Venom's comically satanic imagery.  With songs like "Into Crypts of Rays" (about Gilles de Rais) , they get points for realizing history provides more sources for "morbid tales" than fantasy ever could. 

Standout songs: "Into the Crypts of Rays", "Visions of Mortality", "Procreation (Of the Wicked)", "Return to the Eve", "Danse Macabre",  "Nocturnal Fear"  (that's all six from the original European import; later versions had additional songs -- full EP on Youtube)

Skip 'em songs: none.

Final score: 8/10.  And not just from nostalgia or irony, but neither is it focusing on its significant influence on later bands.  Even out of its historical context, this is just really good, heavy music. 

Take my soul away into the dark, dreaming 1000 morbid dreams, no tomorrow when the wind caresses my mind, could I ever return, it would be my doom.

--"Return to the Eve"

Motorhead - "Ace of Spades" (spotlight)

Let's keep the Motorhead theme going... Rik Mayall died just over a month ago.  Rik, of course, played "Rick" on The Young Ones.  I'm not even going to attempt to explain The Young Ones, other than to say it was one of the many BBC shows that PBS and MTV imported in the mid-80s that were a breath of fresh air to teenagers, like myself, marooned in an otherwise dull suburbia.

I remember, like it was yesterday, being at Terry's house sometime in high school when this episode came on and Mike looked at the camera and simply said "Music!"  I was already a Motorhead fan, and "Ace of Spades" is probably their most enduring song, but The Young Ones version is especially fun.

Ace of Spades: The Young Ones version, official video

Slayer - "Haunting The Chapel" (LP Review)

I had been meaning to review this one for a while, but once again a recent death has influenced the order of reviews:  Jeff Hanneman, a founding member of the seminal thrash metal band Slayer, died on May 2.   While their contemporaries Metallica achieved more commercial success, Slayer arguably has the stronger, more consistent discography. 

While Slayer's 1983 debut LP "Show No Mercy" was a strong, heavy LP, it was their 1984 three song EP "Haunting the Chapel" that really defined the genre.  Especially influential was the double bass work of drummer Dave Lombardo, after this EP came out if you didn't have that double bass sound, you weren't a serious thrash band.  Of the three songs, the one you really must listen to is "Chemical Warfare".  Nearly 30 years after it was released this is still one of the heaviest songs I've ever heard.

Jeff Hanneman shared lead guitar duties with Kerry King as well as writing or co-writing most of their songs.  Although he had been sidelined for a few years due to a spider bite, everyone believed the worst was behind him and he was writing new material for their next LP.  Slayer had always been one of the more stable bands (with only Dave Lombardo leaving and rejoining a few times), so it will be interesting to see if they carry on without Jeff.

Standout songs: "Chemical Warfare", "Haunting The Chapel", "Captor of Sin"

Skip'em songs: none

Final Score: 10/10.  This EP points the way to "Hell Awaits" and "Reign in Blood", as well as reminding me of my tape trading days w/ Scott Kinkade et al.  Honorable mention to the late Bob Muldowney, publisher of Kick*Ass Monthly, for describing the importance of this EP back in the day.

Yngwie Malmsteen - "Rising Force" (LP Review)

Driving through the Ward's Corner section of Norfolk (the corner of Granby and Little Creek) this morning, I saw that the former Tracks record store building had been razed.  Remember them?  I can't even find a good URL to link to for them, not even a newspaper article about them going out of business.  That building eventually became Wherehouse Music, and then most recently it was AJ Gators Sports Bar. 

I don't think I went into AJ Gators, but I went there several times when it was Wherehouse.  But more importantly, I remember the first time I went there when it was Tracks.  It was probably 1985, and after attending a Friday night (!) Peninsula Atari Computer Enthusiasts (PACE) meeting at NASA Langley with my father, he drove me to the Tracks in Norfolk.  You have to remember that growing up in Denbigh in 1985, Norfolk seemed (to me anyway) like the other end of the world.  I don't remember who brought up going there -- I might have asked, but I don't recall.  And I think there may have been another father/son pair with us, but I'm not clear on that either.  But I do recall that at the time, Tracks had a dedicated "metal" section, with all the imports and other hard-to-find LPs that other stores would not carry.  It was on that trip that I bought Yngwie Malmsteen's 1984 LP "Rising Force" as a gift for my HS (and later, college) girlfriend.  She had told me about him but did not have the LP (remember that the "local" stores did not carry it).  Also, at ~$20 it represented quite an investment for me at the time -- remember when music cost big $?

The LP itself?  It is hard to overstate the importance that it had on shredding, arguably defining it as a stand-alone genre.  Sure, there had been "Eruption" and other amazing tracks on various LPs, but I believe Yngwie was the first to release a popular, metal LP focused only on guitar.  There are two vocal tracks which are best skipped, but the other six tracks form the nucleus of what every other LP in this genre wishes it could be (including later LPs by Yngwie, which were never in the same class as "Rising Force").  Yngwie wasn't the first guitarist to shred, but he arguably released the first shred LP.  (Context: recall that at this time Eddie Van Halen had all but abdicated his throne with the release of "1984" and his pointless fascination with keyboards.  Who thought that was a good idea?!)

Yngwie was the first to really popularize metal as a modern extension of classical music, explicitly namechecking artists like JS Bach and Paganini, as well as using actual harpsichords (not synths) in the songs.  Of course I thought that was beyond cool at the time.  Metal always had the culture of the virtuoso, but Yngwie took it to another level.  Yes, this was dangerously close to Metal Opera, but the mostly instrumental focus of the LP helps curb its worst tendencies.  Prior to "Rising Force", Yngwie had released some forgettable LPs as the guitarist for Steeler and Alcatrazz, on which he had only brief moments to shine (e.g., Steeler's "Hot on Your Heels" intro, which was also used in the radio program "Metal Shop" -- remember that?), but this is the LP where he blossomed as a solo artist. 

I probably still have a tape of the LP in question some where in my stuff, but in an interesting bit of symmetry I also have the CD: I acquired it from Danette, in a box of CDs from a friend of her's that was purging his CD collection after ripping them.  So while the Ward's Corner area has been in decline for quite some time and the planned renovation is welcome, it is with a nostalgic fondness that I recall Tracks, that night with my father, and my excitement at selecting a perfect gift. 

Standout songs: Black Star, Evil Eye, Little Savage, Far Beyond the Sun, Icarus' Dream Suite Opus 4, Farewell

Skip 'em songs: Now Your Ships Are Burned, As Above, So Below

Final score: 9/10.  The LP is hugely influential, but replacing the two vocal songs with something as good as "Black Star" would have made for a perfect LP.

Tony Carey - A Fine Fine Day (forgotten song)

I first mentioned Tony Carey as the keyboardist for Rainbow Mk II (1976-1977; see my review of "On Stage"). Although his tenure with Rainbow was brief, he was (and still is) quite prolific as a solo artist, recording as Tony Carey and Planet P Project (among others). He scored a few minor hits along the way (e.g., "I Won't Be Home Tonight" and "Why Me?"), but never really turned the corner.

My favorite song of his is "A Fine Fine Day" from his 1984 LP "Some Tough City". I like songs with stories, and this one tells the story of Uncle Sonny's return from prison. The lyrics are ambiguous about how the reunion turns out, but the video and 7" cover art leave no doubt about Sonny's fate. I remember this one getting some airplay on MTV (and maybe radio) when it came out. My favorite work of his is still with Rainbow, but this song isn't bad and you might remember it from 25+ (!) years ago.

A Fine Fine Day: official video, lip sync version from Solid Gold.

Bonus Link: The YouTube channel "pinkwrld" is devoted entirely to TC/PPP videos.

Honeymoon Suite - "New Girl Now" (forgotten song)

So when is the last time you heard this one? I recall "New Girl Now" getting a small amount of radio airplay when it came out in 1984, but I can't recall it having a video on MTV. It was the first single from the self-titled LP by the Canadian band Honeymoon Suite.

Even though it came out in 1984, the sound is late 70s / early 80s new wave. Perhaps they were destined to be just a one hit wonder (at least in the US), or perhaps they were simply eclipsed by the emerging college / alternative sound.

YouTube: "New Girl Now".

Roger Waters - "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking" (LP Review)

My friend Terry and I belong to a very exclusive club: we believe "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking" is an amazing LP. Most people just see the neurotic excess of Roger Waters without the balancing influence of David Gilmour. I see that as well, but I also see this LP as a successful completion of the ideas introduced in "The Wall" and "The Final Cut" (example: in the movie "The Wall", Pink is reciting the lyrics to "Moment of Clarity" in the scene in the bathroom stall). This LP is arguably better since the the stream of consciousness / lucid dreaming format better suits Water's story telling.

Released in 1984, TPACOHH is Roger Water's first solo LP (not counting 1970's "Music From the Body" as a proper solo LP) and was released near the end of his membership in Pink Floyd. Joining Waters on this LP are a host of excellent musicians, including David Sanborn and Eric Clapton. Much like the previous two Pink Floyd LPs, this one is best enjoyed with the volume way up and/or with headphones since various special effects (e.g., the sound of the Lamborghini in the 2nd track) and subtle plot cues are provided in the background (e.g., "and mother wants you!"). The LP only featured one single that received even tiniest bit of airplay (track 10, "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking"). Also like the previous two Pink Floyd LPs, the songs out of context won't necessarily make a lot of sense. By itself, the single is about people you meet hitch hiking. But that's not really what the song (or LP) is about...

Waters has a summary on his web site, but I'll attempt an even shorter version. A husband is lying in bed late at night and has a dream about leaving his wife for a hitch hiker he picks up and after a brief encounter the hitch hiker is gone. He moves to Wyoming and lives off the grid with his wife who ultimately leaves him for another man. Despondent, he becomes a hitch hiker himself and has a cathartic journey as he makes his way back to civilization. He finally wakes up and has a "moment of clarity" and realizes he's happy despite his dream state mid-life crisis.

To emphasize the dream sequence, the tracks are actually titled 4:30 AM (Apparently They Were Travelling Abroad), 4:33 AM (Running Shoes), 4:37 AM (Arabs with Knives and West German Skies), etc. The times correspond to the length of the song, and the parenthetical titles give an indication as to general theme. Its hard to pick favorite songs from this LP, but if forced to do so I would choose "Running Shoes" ("Fixed on the front of her Fassbinder face / Was the kind of a smile / That only a rather dull child could have drawn / While attempting a graveyard in the moonlight"), "Sexual Revolution" ("I woke in a fever / The bedclothes were all soaked in sweat / She said `You've been having a nightmare /And it's not over yet'") and "Go Fishing" ("F*** it then / Take the kids back to town / Maybe I'll see you around").

If you haven't heard this LP (or haven't listened to it in some time), I encourage you to give it a try. Ultimately, this was the last important LP by Roger Waters. "Radio K.A.O.S" was a decent LP with a few good songs, but it does not begin to approach TPACOHH. Ditto the Water-less Pink Floyd LP "A Momentary Lapse of Reason" released a few years later. "The Pros and Cons of Hitch Hiking" is the last great LP from any member of Pink Floyd.

Standout songs: All. Ok, that's a cop out (and some songs are linked to above), but you really should listen to the whole thing: grooveshark, last.fm and Rhapsody.

Full LP on Youtube.

Skip 'em songs: none.

Final rating: 10/10.

P.S. YouTube user "gravesing" has released animated movie versions of the first four songs: 4:30 AM, 4:33 AM, 4:37 AM, 4:39 AM. They are simultaneously pretty cool and slightly disturbing. Hopefully other installments are forthcoming. 2010-11-29 edit: 4:41 AM, 4:47 AM.